Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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