Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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