If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
