So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
