i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
