pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
