I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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