Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
