I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
