remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
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Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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