His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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