I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
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He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
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I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Couch. On fire.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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