ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
