i don't like sucking hair
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
