My hand turned me down
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i dont even know how to be here
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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