Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I will pee on everything he values.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize