you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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