I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
