Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
