Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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