i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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