You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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