Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
