At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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