am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
