so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
