things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
