yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
