I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
