im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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