I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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