I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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