Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
