If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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