oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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