There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
