just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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