watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
