i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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