pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
