Just fell off a train. Bad.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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