You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
