Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
