i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
