I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
