Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
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ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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