So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
