I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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