New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
