I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm like, not good at living.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
