So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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