Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
