So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
