I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
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I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
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I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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