Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he fucked my hip out of place.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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