He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
