just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
