I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
