she was so not down for the gang bang
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
