my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
