I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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