you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
