Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Randomize
