I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dick very happy bro
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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