if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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